flavia in your ear

Ray and caffeine just don't mix. We all found this out on the day he wore his favorite Sicilian leather pants (which, by the way, cost twice as much as Corinthian leather pants). He was describing his designs for self contained interstellar travel devices to Barry who was looking on coldly as if Ray were describing how to wipe out an entire collony of egg robots by hard boiling them in a vat of robot water. Alarmed by his tepid facial expressions, Ray paused and shot Barry a look that made Barry feel uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable a person gets when they know who this part of the story is being written by (it's andy, this part was written by ANDY!). Barry became so Furious that he took a stack of paper plates and started spooning piles and piles of egg robots onto it ... and made his way over to the table upon which sat a vat of boiling robot water. Ray lifted a single eyebrow in subtle protest, and Barry had made his point. Then with said, previously mentioned point Barry began to spear the baby robot eggs as they reached a nice firm but not hard boil in the piping hot robot water. Then Barry fed the gigged, firm-boiled, robot egg to Joey Tempest, the lead singer for Europe. He was singing "The Final Countdown" and Barry just wanted him to shut UP. Ray started looking up the origin of gigging on wikipedia and found he really didn't have time to be wasting on research silly things like using a flashlight to stun a frog before imapling it on a traditionally trident tipped spear. No, Ray had other fish to lick, other more serious matters that needed his steadfast, infallible moonwalk. My god he loves going to high school dances. Remember the time with that chick with the ponytail? Oooooh YES YOU DO REMEMBER!! Yeah, that chick! When ever ray did hs infallible moon walk she would change in to something more egg salad you fuck! She would change into something more egg-fucking-salad!

You know what, the egg salad topic reminds me about something... something I kinda struggle with from time to time. It reminds me that you can't just put a bunch of fucking food in a bowl and call it a mother fucking salad! Just because it's cold and in a bowl with a lot of other crap dosen't nessasarly mean it should be called a salad. You could just call it "A bunch of shit mixed togeter served cold". Another gripe I have is in the naming of salads. Half the time the name dosen't even make sence. Take Chef for example! Come on, who are we fooling? Using the same salad naming logic we used to name egg salad (a saldad where eggs are the main ingredient) I would expect to find bits of choped up chef in a chef salad. Maybe at one time there was, and they simply replaced the bloody bits and pieces of cut up chef with ham and backon. But then again - there are some fucking eggs in a chef salad too, so really you should correctly call a chef salad a hors'deuvre or whatever and then shut the fuck up and sit down. Keep cool, or I'll come right over there and stab you in the jaw.

Anyway, back to Ray moon walking and making that chick feel like she was some kind of cheap secrete that everybody knows about. Ray moved his hand threw his sliky black hair as if he was petting a completely deranged and psycotic person who obsesses over salads and shit like that to the point that medication is clearly the right course of action. can you dig it? ray sure could. but unfortuanately for raysome one else had also dug it. a big hole in the ground that was right behind him and his moonwalking ass. step, slide. step, slide. ray got down to the beat. Man I love my girlfriend. Ray loves my girlfriend too, which is sometimes awkward, the kind of awkward that makes you feel kinda all warm and tingly inside like when you drink hot choclate thats too hot and has tiny, little, electro-hyper-charged micro robots from sears & robuck in it. yeah, thats awkward, man. but let me tell you what is really interesting about the tiny, little, electro-hyper-charged micro robots from sears & robuck. they can moonwalk! which remeinds me i was about to tell you about ray and the giant peach. When Ray said that he coulden't remember what fun is for did he mean that his pants were too tight? I'm guessing it was nothing of the sort, considering the incredible tray of pastries he was carrying. And occasionally nibbling from. What a bitch. Or should i saywhat a bitchin' tray of giant peach pastries? for the truth of the matter is that Ray was moonwalking backwards whilst carrying a tray of giant peach pastries he had recently aquired in a hostile take over of the Happy Sunny Plate Diner that is located on the lower level of the Sears and Robuck department store — which by the way has an excellent egg salad, the Happy Sunny PLate Diner, not the Sears and Robuck. Now, you may be wondering why Ray would do this, and I suspect a lot of you are assuming it has to do with his leather pants, the ones I mentioned earlier, but you'd be wrong, the kind of wrong that has more to do with ignorance than stupidity so don't be too down on yourself. Ray is a complicated man, and you my simple reader have no chance of ever devining the true motives that make a man like him tick — tick like a little, fucking Chicken Salad.

Paul; it's OVER.