my dad can beat up your dad

After my dad saw his pet goat get turned into cheese all hell broke loose! FONDUE! FONDUE EVERYWHERE!!! My heart was raceing like a bobcat on rollerskates. If you had been there you would be able to describe the most horrible, horrific, repulsive and rediculous events EVER! For example, ( since I was there I can indeed give examples ) there was a HUGE vein sticking out of the sandwich. I was like ... are you frigg'n kidding me with this? So the guy said " SHALLOON!!!!" This threw everyone in earshot off guard b ecause as anyone can tell you, shalloon is a lightweight wool fabric that is used chiefly for coat linings. My Dad yelled back "Did you see the size of that gopher?!! My Goodness!" And then mary's little lamb was like "I know. I was the one who thought it would be a good idea to get agame of pick-up-dead-goat-polo like they play in afghanistan." Okay I lied - they totally don't do that there but whatever. So my dad was like "I LOVE ASIAGO CHEESE MAN!" And they do so play polo with dead goats, dumbass! And my dad was all like "yeah, dead goats." Then, when the lights dimmed, a man named Michael Bolton turned to the mob of crazy pick-up-dead-goat-polo players and began to draw shapes in patches of dirt. He drew things like mc hammer pants and other stuff you c an get in happy meals. Which by the way aren't very happy. They are in fact quite sad, as they are sure to be eaten, and thus their existance on this world is over. More over happy meals have no religious beliefs and no afterlife. Quite sad indeed. But I don't really care and I bet you don'teither 'cause there was seriously like zero character development on that one.

Anyway, Ray feels that this story is really coming along!
Good thing cause otherwise the tentacled beast would do terrible things to baby seals in Antarctica. Did you know that seals eve can wash away that dirty feeling you sometimes get? But don't feel weird -- everybody gets that feeling sometimes. It's often referred to as "horse chestnuts."

This is not the greatest story in the world ... it is but a tribute! A tribute to your mom. No, that's a big fat lie. Actually this is a tribute to the literary genius that is me, not the me that is you, but the me that is me the author. so back. Lemme take you back to the subject! My dad could beat up your dad. Too bad your dad has a dead goat for a friend! Dumbass your dad is my dad as we are both just me the author! Of course. So anyway, as I was saying ... the goldfish couldn't care if it was as smushed whoops! Off the page. Learn to tyoe fools!!!! Goats are foolish creatures. With goatees and bad table manners. My grandmother used to hate my table manners but then I showed her what's up. Just because I had a habit of taking my pants off while smearing lasagne all over my belly, she HAD to make a comment like "You make my inner thigh itch!" And "Why is my skin all burnt and weird. I think I'm sick. Can I go home now?" But you were like "NO!" Dick. Why are there beans here? Boston baked beans are making me randy! Yeah baby! Lies. Are all we are used to hearing from the toilet. Did we mention that my dad could beat up your dad? My father had spent many years in the navy working his way up to Navy Seal. For hours he would train in rice fields building his strength and consuming carbohydrates for fuel. He mastered the five claw dragonfist technique which he used in Desert Storm. He found the technique useless against certain foes though. Like giant turkeys. In spain. Yeah. How do they get their helmets so shiny ... if you know what I mean. Which I'm sure you do since we're married. So we "know" eachother. And Stuff. There's totally at least 10 lines left on this sheet of paper. 1 But as far as I know that's not enough to tell the story of my favourite giant squid.